SALTINI & THE GENERAL

Houdini did it, so why not his namesake and imitator, The Great Saltini? And it sounded so sexy: “foreign correspondent.” 

Some of Houdini’s first journalistic dispatches, for The New York Dramatic Mirror, were reports on the 1903 massacres of Jews in Russia.

Houdini's weekly column. Last paragraph on 'slaughter' of Jews.

So when Rolling Stone proposed to send Saltini to the tiny South American dictatorship of Las Los, to report on political unrest, he instantly said yes.

Flag of Las Los

Arriving in the capital city, sunny Los Las (which, like the name of the country itself, means "The The [pl.]"), Saltini was immediately struck by the law-abiding nature of the citizenry.

Law-abiding citizens of sunny Las Los

Saltini had arranged an interview with Gen. Ropas Sucias, the current ruler. 

A statue of Gen. Ropas Sucias, Supreme Caudillo of Las Los

The swarthy general grinned from ear to ear as he showed Saltini the pride of the nation: the beautiful colonial clock tower in the church  of Los Las.

The clock is permanently stopped at twenty-two minutes to five, although it was actually half past three when the General shot it out with the first of the H&K assault rifles delivered by the new regime's allies.

“It was a major civic improvement,” the General boasted. “The clock is now right twice a day. Under the old regime, it was never right at all!”

In a wide-ranging interview, the General fielded Saltini's toughest questions. About the reported restlessness of the natives, he said: "Hey, no problemo! All my people are madly in love with me!"

Saltini asked permission to test that statement. The General agreed with a wave of his hand. Saltini walked the cobbled streets until he spied someone who looked as if he might speak English.

"May I ask you a few questions?"

"Certainly, amigo."

"What do you think of General Sucias?"

The man's eyes bugged out. "Are you crazy, cabron! I'm not going to answer that question!"

Saltini pleaded and cajoled, invoking the power of the international press. The native, looking trapped, darted his eyes left and right. With panic on his face, he beckoned Saltini.

"Follow me."

-- TO BE CONTINUED


RELATED:

ROLLING STONERS

SALTINI'S CHAINSAW MASSACRE

LAST OF THE "-INIS"




(Images via Google)