America's wonderful clowns need help: the Big Apple Circus is no more. It's being auctioned off piece by piece this week. It fell into bankruptcy thanks to the financial crisis.
It's really too small to fail! A piddling eight million dollars would bring it out of bankruptcy and back to its birthright - making the people happy again.
President Trump, you're a native New Yorker, and you could personally finance it out of petty cash. The media would quit making fun of you. Your ratings would go up on a high trapeze.
How about it, Mr. President? Save American circus jobs! Bail out Big Apple!
And even better: Barnum and Bailey! America's signature show for 150 years is also going down the tubes.
It's a disaster! Rescue Ringling Brothers! Save the elephants! Show Hollywood where to get off!
Look, even from a self-serving point of view - it's good for business! The elephant is the very symbol of your party! Circus elephants campaigned for you!
Need more advice? Ask your own top advisors if they don't agree!
Do the right thing, Mr. Pres.: save the American circus.
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